Vanagain

Vic and cars. You have heard a lot about this topic. Well, after the loss (sale) of the Jeep. (Vic will never let me forget this!) We had three cars and had to sell one of them. The jeep sold the fastest, and it was Vic's sacrifice to the family. We were stuck with two cars which were mine. The Mercedes beater, and the "stinkin" Lincoln. Vic drove the Lincoln, and she disliked it very much.

Well, Vic has an attraction for cars that are like hers in any way. If one person she knows has a car, then every car that looks like the car is her friends car. When we had the Aerostar van, everyone with an Aerostar was the brother or sister of that van. When the car drives by, she will wave and beep her horn to say "Hi". Most of the time its someone else, and do we get funny looks. One time she tried to run someone off the road that she was sure was a friend! (it wasn't)

We have a friend named Kevin. Kevin owns a office supply business, and drives a white delivery van. The van is a ford panel van with no windows. I can't tell you how many times when I've been in the car when the family sees a White panel van. Someone always yell "Kevin!" The crazy thing is there are thousands of these vans running around delivering stuff. Most are not Kevin.

One day, while Vic is running around in the "stinkin" Lincoln, with Ash. Near them, a white van passes, and Ashleigh yells, "Kevin!" Everyone in the car turns their head, but the problem is, one of them was the driver. Well, forgetting her local to other moving vehicles, Vic bumps into Ford F-250 truck's rear end. The truck bumps a car in front of him. The car in front of him just happens to be Ron's old boss from Burger King. You can see the picture. Vic is catching up on Ron's old boss, and the guy in the truck is livid, because he is getting no attention. What a sight!

I'm not aware of this, because Vic and now the willing accomplice, (Ash) hide it from me for 3 days. I never noticed because Vic parked the car in the garage so close the front.

I always get on Vic when she is driving. She can multi-task three things while driving. Makeup, cell phone conversation, plus driving! It makes me crazy when she is looking all around, "look at the sunset." or something like that. I love my wife, but I've learned, Kevin in not always in the van again.

Travel Trips by Vic

Fire the travel agent....

I've already fired the maid, dishwasher, cook, and gardener. I love to travel and so does Vic. I like ski vacations, and she likes cruises. Even though we are on opposite ends of the destination, we have had some very funny stories.

Our trips to Las Vegas have been very interesting. OK I know you are thing, why would the Little's go to Vegas? For those of you who don't know, Vic's mommy (Val) lives in Las Vegas. I love it because she's close to Golf and Skiing. Vic loves it because its... just....Vegas. The strip is very interesting, but we tend to gamble very little, and love the sights.

On one trip, we get to the airport, and find out that our trip to the East was the night before. Some how Vic had looked at the tickets, and saw the date and thought 1:00 am was the next day. I can understand her confusion, but she has never been time challenged. Come to think of it, she is time challenged. I'm a 5 minuet early kind of guy, and Vic is whenever we get there. Also, I can't tell you how many times she has under estimated the time to do something, and we end up being late. I guess we have all done this... (ask me about some of the home projects)

Anyway, we get to the airport and find out that we have missed our flight by 22 hours! We beg to get on the next flight to Detroit, Chicago, or anywhere in the Mid West. The next flight we could get on is leaving in 15 minutes. So Vic and I are running through the airport like OJ Simpson. Running around people, and jumping luggage. What a sight!

We or course don't sit anywhere near each other on the plane, and I get stuck in the row with a football player who weight about 300 pounds! I sitting there sick to my stomach, and crushed against the side of the plane. Just like the TV commercials or stories about air travel.

We are on the plane, and then the steward pages Victoria Little. I'm going now whats up? Vic had left her purse on the ticket counter, and we are now holding up the plane, because they need to get her purse! What a flight, I never claimed to know this woman, who delayed the flight. I heard grumbling, and sank lower in my seat.

Simpson's we are not, but the thought did cross my mind to do something to Vic. Just a thought though. I've come to the conclusion, that travel by air is and adventure of the "Vic kind". I love my wife, but there is just never a dull moment with Vic and Travel.

Travel tip number one: 1 a.m. means 1 a.m. ....

Did I tell you that I fired the travel agent?

Repaint, Repaint and Thin No More

Vic has always been a great painter. She goes to other people’s houses to paint. I think she could have been a professional painter. Over the years, we have worked our way through each room in our house to repaint or redecorate with wall coverings and paint colors.

This story is a good one. We had just redecorated our basement, and put in new carpeting. Vic had painted down the stairs to our basement to cover up the old dark paneling. That night she left the paint can semi open at the top of the steps. In every house, there is a place that people accumulate junk. The doorway to the basement and the top of the stairs seems to be one of our places.

That night the door was shut, and either the door or the cat "Evil Kitty" knocked down the paint all the way to the bottom of the stairs. There was white paint on the walls, and on the new carpeting (in puddles). The carpeting was 3 days old. In the morning, Vic went to let the cat out from the basement. She quickly shut the door after seeing kitty prints all over the stairs (Evil Kitty had walked through the paint!)

Every morning, my usual routine is to get up, shower and shave and get ready for work. Vic or I will usually go down stairs to get Tommy(Me) a fresh pair of “Under Bunders” and other articles of clothing. This morning, Vic was unusually helpful, and made sure that morning there was no reason under the sun that Tommy needed to go down stairs to get anything. Of course, I didn't notice anything unusual, becuase Vic always acts different at time without reason. What is normal anyway?

The second I left for work, she headed for the garage to get our live saving contraption called the “green machine”. If you don’t know what one of these is, then you don’t know what life you are missing. It’s a little spot-cleaning machine for stains in the carpet. I think the carpeting should have been professionally cleaned, but Vic did all the clean up work without me knowing. Vic has become a professional at hiding the bad from Tommy.

You are wondering about the headline “Title” of this post? That’s the punch line to a funny pun. Here’s the beginning:

The New Pope wanted to get the living quarters paint color changed quickly before he moved. The maintenance monks (MM) didn’t have enough of the color the Pope wanted, so they thinned it out. The thinning was a poor choice, because the old color showed through the new color after drying. The MM knew they were in trouble, so they went to confession and confessed their sins. The title is what the Pope said after their confession!

Bad Kitty

Our most current cat that still lives with us has many aliases.He has been called:
"Hitler Kitty"
"Kitty Bin Laden"
"Toonces the Driving Cat"
"Frostbite"
"Cat"
"Dead Cat"
"Take my Cat for a walk; Tie him to your bumper"
"Take my Cat, Please!"

Do you get the feeling that I don't like cats? Blame it on the Sullivan’s. I don't know why, but I think it has to do with genes or something. Blame it on Canada if you want, but indoor cats serve no purpose to the scheme of things. The only good thing is that when we leave on vacation, we can leave food, and water, and the cat just does fine.

Funny thing though, our cat thinks he's a dog. He is starved for attention, and wants to be by us all the time. He will not eat, until someone is in the kitchen with him. He wants to sleep with everyone, but we keep him out of Vic and my bedroom, because of allergies. You can play with him, and he has a long tolerance for being bugged. (I think I had something to do with this.)

Our funny stories with cats don’t start with Frostbite (his real name). But I thought I might start with him. Ashleigh had transferred to Spring Lake High School as a sophomore, and I think her junior year she had to do a report on WWII. She decided to film a depiction of different events. It was well thought out, and well done for someone doing it at the last minuet.I gave her the Idea of being Hitler, and using the cat as a prop. She used frostbite as "Hitler Kitty." I died laughing, because she put a little black tape above the mouth. Ashleigh even had the cat salute the camera. I think it reminded me of the Dr. Evil, and Mini-Me on Austin Powers’s movie.

I think we lost the tape, and Ashleigh was happy. Ash is my creative one, and she tries very hard to make people laugh. This was unforgettable. A future blog could be started just on the funny things Ashleigh has done….

B.T. and the MGB

Vic's first love. She was in love with her MGB from the first day she got it! What a car. This was B.T. (Before Tom). Our marriage was not the start of her antics. She has many good ones from her childhood. I guess you will have to talk to Val (her Mom) about those. Maybe I will? This story was told to me by Vic, so you get it from the horses mouth so to speak.

When she lived in Grand Rapids, she had a house on Koyt Ave. on the North Side. She had her MGB parked in the garage and she drove it all the time. While backing out of the garage, she still had her door ajar and rammed the open door right into the track of the garage door. As things go with Vic, things went from bad to worse. By the time her significant other got home, Vic was on the lawn, the car was in the driveway, and the garage door was on the lawn sprawled out all over. Vic had the neighbors come over to get the large door off of her car and herself.

Vic and trailers, Vic and backing up, what next? A life of new and old material to write a blog about. I can dig up things from the past, but another MGB is not one of those.


This year, I finally gave in and let Vic purchase a modern MGB which I call "Miata". She cried when she got it. Women are so emotional. All I know is that I'm third in line right behind two cars.

The Snippet

Remember the lion in the wizard of Oz? This post has little or nothing to do with the movie. Remember when the lion and the rest of the main characters go to OZ and get a full body makeover in the salon? The song is called "The Merry Old Land of Oz". In the middle to the end of the song it goes, "Snip, Snip here, Snip Snip there." Remember that song?(Click here to hear part of the clip)

Well after our third child was born, Vic was hinting that it was time for Tommy to get the tubes cut. Ouch, I wasn't very interested in this proposition, and after the fact, now I know what a cat or dog feels like when master takes fido or fifi to the vet. to get fixed. Vic started out very subtle, and the hints increased rapidly.

One day, Vic was working outside. We have hedges outside our house, and she was trimming with hand hedge clippers. (The power hedger was broken; she had trimmed the electric power cord in half!) When I drove up, she walked toward the car with the hand hedge trimmer singing..... You guessed it.... "Snip, Snip here, snip snip there!" "I can fix you today!"

I think the next day; I made the appointment and went in for the tube cutting. She went along "just to make sure". When the Doctor came out after the procedure, he said "Tom did very well in there, and he will be fine." Vic answered right back, "I don't care how he did, how did you do?" Funny things just never stop with my wife! This was what I call, "An expression of Love, the snippet kind."

Channeling

Did I ever tell you Vic is passionate about cruise ships and cruising? I think she watched too much Love Boat growing up. (She admits to this!) I think she would have been Julie the cruise director. Taking care of everyone's needs, and having a blast doing it! (such a mother hen)

I surprised her with her first cruise, and she cried. The next cruise was on the Disney cruise line with the kids. (Ron was in College) When I saw the bill, I cried. The last cruise was with friends from church. 5 couples went for 7 days, and we had a blast!

This story is from the second cruise, the Disney cruise. In preparation for the event, Vic was wondering where the cruise ship port of call was located. Being geographically challenged, Vic said, it must leave from Orlando. Now if any of you know, Orlando Florida is where Disney World is located, right smack in the middle of the state.

I said, "I know no body of water big enough to float a cruise ship from Orlando to the ocean." Vic answered right back, " Oh yah, well I know, the Disney channel." She was serious. I started laughing and I rolled my eyes.

I thought that was so funny, that I submitted it to Readers Digest. No response from the literate snobs. Cruising with Vic is never a dull moment. So much to do, so little time!

Trouble with Tupperware

Tupperware is such a wonderful invention. What did we do without it? Many meals have been saved when they should have been lost because of tupperware. The only time I can remember the use of this evil stuff is when it gets caught in a dishwasher. The smell of the plastic burning stings your nose and your eyes.

When I think of tupperware, I think of Vic. We had just purchased a new gas stove. I never liked gas, because I grew up with electric. Things move at a faster pace with gas. Electric is nice and slow. I get on Vic all the time for piles of papers and stuff she leaves on the stove. (fire hazard number 3)

Vic was making meatloaf the night before, and to keep the cat away from the raw meatloaf, she stored the big plastic bowl in the oven. As things go,Vic gets busy, and she forgot about the bowl. The next day, I was in the TV room taking a nap. When dinner needed to be prepared, she pre heated the oven.

The next thing you know the bowl is melting and the plastic is dripping on the first rack, and then onto the base of the oven. As usual, Vic goes into panic mode. The smell was terrible, and the house fills with smoke. Vic and Shelby rush around the house to open all the windows, and fan the smoke detector to keep from setting off the alarm. "Keep Tom from waking up" was her goal. I think I remember waking up to the terrible smell, and walked into the kitchen.


Vic had put the rack outside. All the windows in the house were open, and the bowl was literally fused to the rack. The rack and the bowl were together forever. In my ignorance, I attempted to extract the bowl from the rack with a razor knife. I spent about 2 minutes on this and there was no progress being made, so I gave up. Vic had to call the manufacturer to get a new bottom and rack for our brand new stove. I thought we had a picture of the bowl, and if I can find it, I will post it.

There are many more stories about Vic and cooking, but this is a classic for all times. Did I tell you that Vic is a fantistic cook!

Ice Scream

"You scream, I scream, we all scream for ice cream."

I love Vic, but sometimes she just does some really funny things. This really is two stories in one, so hold on to your seat.

As you know, we now have three cars. I have a Mercedes beater (1995 E300 Diesel (260,000 miles), and Vic has two cars. She has a Toyota Rav 4 (Winter beater) and the Miata (her Summer love). This Summer on a shopping trip to Sam's (her favorite place to shop), we started moving through the store. She heads for grocery, and I of course go right to electronics. We usually end up meeting 30 to 60 minutes later for checkout. I beg for a big screen TV, and she says "No". After evaluation of her picks, that took up a whole shopping cart + some. (multiple gallons of drinks, watermelon, and large food items), I asked her how in the world are we going to fit this in our car. She answers quickly, this should be no problem, the Rav can fit this with no problem. I had to remind her the we drove the Miata, not the Rav. (She forgot what we drove in, she was driving)

Well if you know small cars, the Miata is one of the smallest. The trunk holds nothing but flat things like paper, and maybe a overnight bag squished down to a thick piece of paper. Vic started bailing on stuff, and the cart ended up being half full by the time she was done. The watermelon didn't make the cut.

After we were done, I told her I would pack the car, and she was going to get Ice Cream for Shelby. Shelby loves ice cream from Sam's, and Vic will bring a cup home as a treat once and a while. I packed the car and there was not one ounce of space in the trunk. The last thing I remember putting in the trunk was a large pack of flat bacon. Other stuff ended up under Vic's legs, but it was only a few items.

With ice cream in hand, I drove off with Vic and a very full car. We had the top down, and the early evening was a little chilly. I put the heat on the floor to warm our feet. The ice cream had started melting in the car and was a little liquidy. Vic, thinking that the cool air would cool off the ice cream, takes the cup and holds it up over the windshield. Now, you know what happens next, the ice cream splattered like a shotgun blast. It starts with her face, sunglasses, hair, clothes, car seat, car side window, top cover, trunk. It was one giant splatter!

I just could not believe she did this! I started laughing, and in a few minutes after trying to clean, Vic was laughing so hard she was crying. It was a scream of the ice type.

If the Shoe Fits

Vic and shoes. Vic has always made fun of all the different purposes of the shoes I own. I have shoes for golf, shoes for walking, shoes for driving (driving slippers), shoes for cross training, casual shoes, shoes for mowing the lawn, ect.

When Vic was growing up in Texas, she never wore shoes. Its not that they could afford them; kids in Texas just never wore shoes. Her favorite pair of shoes to do all purpose anything in is called a clog. Being in the vicinity of Holland, Michigan and her being "Dutch" most of the time is why I think she likes these shoes. They are also easy to take off and on in a hurry, which is what Vic is most of the time anyway.

After purchasing a new pair of clogs from the Bass shoe outlet in Holland, she was very proud of her purchase. She wore them bravely and proudly. In the summer, Vic loves to work around the yard. She creates a jungle of wonderful flowers, bushes, and other things which I think are just plain weeds. I do like her to cut the grass once in a while, which she loves to do(when she can get the mower started-power tool). This one time, she decided to cut the lawn, but she was wearing her clogs. To move faster, and Vic being in a hurry, she decided to remove her clogs and cut the grass in bare feet. (Not recommend by any lawnmower or power tool company, warning, don't try this at home!) Well rounding the corner in her cutting, she runs over one of her clogs and almost cuts it in half! She had a clog projectile flying around. Good thing is was made of rubber.

If the shoe fits, wear it, as they say. Youall (Texas Talk) think I make this stuff up. Well, here is proof that these stories are true.

Here is the picture of the clog for posterity. She now cuts the lawn in shoes, and I never know what will be next in the line of "Vic and power tools".

A Trailer with a Hitch

As I've talked in the past, Vic has always been in love with whatever she drives. The one car she had a hard time getting rid of was the 94 Jeep Grand Cherokee Laredo with a brush guard on the front. I called it the cowcatcher, or the "Trees fear her" look. I was confident, that anything that impact the front of Vic's car would pay for it dearly. She would win. It would lose.

Well even though the front was covered, I didn't expect a rear attack. Ron our oldest son was moving to Kalamazoo to attend Western Michigan University. My company had a trailer that we could borrow and use without a problem. I borrowed the trailer; Vic came to work to pick it up. The only thing I told her was to drive the trailer home, "It's a straight shot home." Park it on the Stones. The stones are parallel with the road, and all she had to do was just pull over. I said, do not back up the trailer, because you have difficulties doing it, and when I get home, I will back the trailer up so we could get Ron loaded.

Vic is cheap, frugal, Dutch, cost conscience, Scottish, or whatever you want to call it. She loves to find deals in many different places. Well, one of these places is garage sales. To me, garage sales are another place to get rid of junk before you toss it. (Last chance sale) Well 1/2 mile down the road from my work, and she sees the 3 foot sign with orange lettering. Everyone knows what it is, except maybe me. Vic pulled into a garage sale, and the sale was in a half circle drive. When she pulled in, she thought she could swing around and out the other side of the drive. She was wrong. She tried to back up the trailer, back and forth, moving forward and back, but the trailer kept going in the opposite direction. Then there was a crunch! She jackknifed the trailer so bad; the front of the trailer dented the back quarter panel of the jeep. But the funny part was she did think anything had happened, so she went home.

Ron likes jeeps also. He now owns one. He would take our jeep on special off road trips, and would never tell either Vic or I about them. Ron had taken the jeep that previous night, on an off road adventure. Vic was so excited to show Ron the trailer that she ran in the house, and got Ron. To both their amazement, there was a huge dent on the back quarter panel of the Jeep. They both stopped in the grass, each thinking they had caused the dent.

This is it gets interesting. Ron thought his escapades caused the dent. Vic thought she had caused the dent. They literally had to measure the dent height to the trailer to see if Vic could have done it. But whatever you do, don't tell Tom. As usual, I find out later, and we all have a great laugh about the whole situation.

Later that year, a wind gust took a trampoline, and rolled it right into the dent and made it worse. Vic got the dent fixed for free, and the story closed on a happy note. Vic said "God was looking out for me, and he surly has a sense of humor.”

All I can say is that Vic has still not learned how to back up a trailer, and she still does a good job on keeping mishaps from me.

The morel of the story is this: Don't let Vic back up your trailer.

Square Peg-Round Hole (Vic's Van)

Vic and auto's has always been a love affair. If she can't feel it, then she doesn't like it, and will not buy it. The 1986 Ford AeroStar Van was just one vehicle in a long line of cars we have owned. It was a necessary evil, because on kids. I think every Mom with more than 1 kid needs a mini-van. (What did we do without them?) I always said, it was a choice between a van and a semi-truck, because of all the stuff you had to haul around for a weekend at grandma's.

We had many good times and many stories about this mini van. It was our home away from home, and it served as a mode of travel, hauler, and just about everything else.

One time, just before taking a trip to Florida, Vic decided to rent a roof top carrier from Sears. It was nice, since we could put up all that travel, baby stuff, and use the back for a play area for a the kids.

On her way back from picking up the carrier, which was put on the van, she pulled into our driveway. Ron was in the yard playing, and Vic drove right by him waving, and as usual, in a hurry. Well she decide that the Van needed to be in the garage, and proceeded to pull into the garage and rip the car top carrier right off the van. You should have seen the look on Ron's face. (ask him the next time you see him)

When I got home, Vic told me the story, and all I could do is shake my head (what else could I do?). Well this type of carrier was attached by straps and clips to the drip molding on the top of the van. Vic gave me the mangled, bent clips and asked me to bend them back into shape. There was no way this could be done with a vise and hammer, so we were stuck. We had to call Sears, and beg them to replace the clips so we could leave the next morning. (Very interesting conversation)

Vic has always been the square peg in the round hole kind of person. If you look at life from a different angle, then getting there can be half the fun. This time the peg didn't fit, but it did add to the dent on every side of the van stories.

When Pigs Fly

"The time has come," the Walrus said,” To talk of many things: of shoes and ships and sealing-wax of cabbages and kings and why the sea is boiling hot and whether pigs have wings."

The Walrus and The Carpenter by: Lewis Carroll (from Through the Looking-Glass and What Alice Found There, 1872)

There are many things through the years that people have discounted, as just fads, and they will never amount to anything.

"I'll never use this fax machine" I have no use for this.

"Cell phones are just a fad like CB Radio's” They will be gone in just a few years.

My favorite is Vic and the cordless phone.

"I have no use for this cordless phone” How much did it cost? Can we take it back?

When she first got one, she wasn't sure of its use. Because of the cost of being the "early adopter", (marketing term from my college days) she wanted to for sure take it back. I think this was my WOW gift for one year (see Car Starter Gone Bad)

After some prodding, she now wouldn't be without one. She has experienced conversational freedom. (this means she can talk and multi-task all at the same time) We now have more cordless phones than people to talk on them. With 900 MHZ, 2.something GHZ and now the new model 5.something GHZ, we are now state of the art.

The only time she doesn't like the phone is when the power goes out and they don't work.

Many people say, I will never use this, or I will own one of those __________ (fill in the blank). "when pigs fly".

Swine fly around my house a lot, and I think one is circling right now... Technology is dragging Vic from the 90's into the "00's" I've got to go!

Ambiance of the Chimnea

Vic has always liked fire. I'm not sure why, but I always thought I was the phyro of the family. (just asked my mom) Earlier in our marriage, for a romantic gift, I purchased a chimnea for our back deck. I had a choice of either a clay or cast iron. Not knowing why, I thought cast iron would last longer, and there is a break in period (for clay). This is to "season" the vessel so it wouldn't . Knowing what I know now, I think for once, I made the right decision.

Like anything you plug in or burn, I'm always leary when Vic gets involved or tries to operate. Vic has always liked the ambiance of low light in our back yard. We have had tiki lights, glass balls, and other things like fire pits. One night, Vic being the impatient one, she decided to help the slow burning fire along with a little torch fuel. She took the torch fuel, and poured the fuel down the top of the chimnea. After a fire ball went up about 10 feet, she was lucky that she didn't get the new type of haircut called the singed look!

From candles, to torch fuel. I'm keeping her away from the gas in the garage. This could be the second response to the fire chief after "candles" when our house burns down to the ground. (see "candles have be banned")

Directionally Challenged (Know Right from the Other Right)

I love my wife very much, and the comments have been, don't let her look stupid. In no way shape or form, do I think she is stupid. She amazes me every day with he ability to remember and multi task on so many different levels. And to top it off, she can process feelings while doing all these different task. She is smart, in a practical type of way.

Directions have always been a problem for Vic. I always joke about living in Michigan, because you can't get too lost. If you drive in 3 directions, you can only go so far until you run into water! When directions are needed, Vic usually gives me the phone to decipher the directions. I just shake my head when I see her try to get directions to some of her friends.

One time, early in our marriage, Vic and Ron (our son) visited my family in Manchester. This was in the Summer, and I didn't go because of work. After having a nice visit, My Mom directed her on how to get home, you need to turn left out of the driveway. My Mom and Bev (My Sister-in-Law) just started laughing as she turned to the right out of the driveway and started home. My Mom said "Don't worry, she will come back around." and sure enough, she waived as she passed by in the other direction.

Another time I told her to turn right, and as she turned left, I said you need to use your other right. Also, I say "correct" instead of "right" to confirm a direction.

It's always fun going with her to places that we don't know the path. Life that way for us as we muddle along. Some day we will know right is right, or is that correct?

Refresh This! (Tech or Non Tech)

Vic, like I've said before, is on the opposite end of technology. When they describe her and I, it seems to be the Jetsons meets the Flintstones. I'm the tech guy, and she's Wilma. Enough said.

Ashleigh was telling this story, which I heard second hand, that Vic was on the internet trying load a web page. For some reason, the page wouldn't load, and Vic asked Ashleigh for help.

Ashleigh is my semi tech, semi artist, semi minimalist daughter. She is like van Gogh meets Bill Gates. She has decided to take on the world of art at Kendal School of Art and Design, in Grand Rapids. She aspires to be a Graphic somthing, and I just hope she can find a good job some day.

Well back to the story, Ashleigh likes to give her Mom a hard time, so she told her, "pay me and I will help you." Vic got more and more frustrated, and finally Ashleigh blurted out, "Hit the refresh button!"

Well, this seems to be a mistake most of the time on the computer, because Vic needs the visual senses vs. verbal learning. Vic was in tears with furstation, and Ashleigh finally looked over and tried to help her. Vic yelled out, "I can't find it anywhere!!" Ash looked over her shoulder and Vic was looking all over the keyboard, and could not find the key!

Now, at this point you are either laughing hysterically, or you are saying "I don't get it?". This means your either a Jetson, or a Flintstone. You know who you are! Now you can laugh.

Candles Have Been Banned

Candles spillage seems to be a common happening around our house. Vic loves candles, and goes out of her way to purchase, burn or smell everyone in every store. I think she goes to garage sales to pick them up. I've banned the purchase of candles, and I almost went nuts when she got invited to candle party.

I've come home and found candles burning, and no one was home. I will not be surprised if one day I come home and our house has burned to the ground. I'll look at the fire chief, and say "candle".

Vic has burned candles under shelves and almost started fires when the shelf either melted (plastic) or started to look like charcoal. In our front hallway, a candle gave out and the wax ran down the table, on the wall, on the trim, and on the wood flooring. Oops, didn't expect that river of wax to go this far?

At Halloween, she burned a candle under our new cupboard door, and she spent days trying to hide the black spot the size of a quarter on the door. This will go under the "Don't tell Tom Chapter" or "Delay letting Tom know so the impact is less."

Waxing eloquently is not my trait, but Vic will probably end up in a wax museum in England or somewhere. Watch the wax, and if I'm homeless, you will know why.

Dog Days

Vic has always been a dog lover. Her first dog was a Husky, and there are many stories of small lap dogs from her childhood. Vic's mom had a Shitzu, which I think is the type you should use as mops more than dog. Each to his own.

We live in Spring lake, Michigan. Just to the south of us, "over the bridge" is Grand Haven. Every year in August, we have the coast guard festival. This brings in all types, as they invade our small town for the first 2 weeks in August. Its a great time, lots to do with fam.

On the weekend, we were walking down by the waterfront, and happened upon a very large dog. If you don't know my wife, she is very approachable, and will make conversation with anyone. (I think I saw her talking to a tree once.) She talked to the owner on the boardwalk, and all we saw was him giving her a funny look and saying "No". Bev, my sister-in-law started laughing hysterically and said, "Did you know that a Mastodon was a dinosaur, and that dog is called a Mastiff!"

Vic likes animal planet, and watches breed all about it. I think she missed that show. Dog days come and go, but this one always get a good laugh with family and friends.

On the Road with Food (Part zillion)

Vic loves to eat out and experience all types of food. She normally makes stuff so hot, that I can't touch it with my tongue without calling the fire department. Yesterday she told me of this story. Now that she has the car starter figured out, she's mobile!

The girls from work, aka "Lunch Ladies" decided to go out for breakfast. They have 2 weeks off for Christmas break, and they are all enjoying the time off. It seems they can't get enough of each other, so they need to meet to ketchup (pun) with happenings.

After the breakfast, Vic put her leftovers on the top of the car. You know what happened next. The food hit the road and She kept on going. Brenda, a dear friend, just had major surgery, was riding with her and noticed the miss-hap. Vic said "no problem" and circled around to scoop up the food on the next pass. I don't think she even left her seat and scooped it up on the fly. This could be another urban legend. Brenda started laughing so hard she thought she might bust a gut or stitches when Vic did this.

This is just another example of "food on the run" or "adventures with Vic's driving".

Car Starter gone bad

Christmas gifts have always been fun for me, because I tend to go overboard with gifts for Vic. This sometimes is my way of making up for lack of gifts during the year. (yah you do it also, don't think I'm the only one!)

This year I decided to get Vic a car starter. I told her I was going to get the starter, then came up with a lame excuse, like they had to order a part from Japan, because the car is to old, which she fell for right away. The car starter was installed, and they hid everything that Vic would notice out of the way. The antenna was hidden in the headliner, which was the biggest issue. The only place the starter would be noticed was under the hood(with a sticker), which I assured them she would never goto between now and forever. OK, I lied, so what, it worked for the WOW effect on Christmas morning. I always have a WOW gift, which usually the best gift for Christmas. To Vic, the WOW gift is always responded by, how much did it cost?, and can I take it back?

This one was that couldn't go back. I hid the receipt, and used the company credit card for the purchase.

Well with technology and Vic, there seems to be a great divide. After three incidents with her and the starter, I was wondering if I should take the stupid thing back.

1-Car would not start. didn't train her to push the break to de-activate the system.
2-Tried to drive off without putting the key into the ignition and putting it into the started position.
3-Stalled the car and forgot to put it back in park to restart, and blamed it on the starter.

I love my wife so much, but she doesn't do well with technology.

There are many other things that give her difficulties, but this one was because I felt she needed a warm car in the Winter and one power lock.